Top 5 Tips for Dropping Your Freshman at College

I recently dropped my oldest child at college and the months leading up to it were filled with advice and well wishes. All of which I devoured. So, I thought it was only fair if I paid it forward with some of the things I learned from our experience. Here goes…

1. Always have snacks on hand. Everywhere. All. The. Time. The emotional rollercoaster is hard enough…don’t add in hangry!

2. Don’t wear jeans or cute outfits to move in. It’s not about you. Whose looking you? No one. They don’t care. We are backstage people on move-in day. Jeans are hot and you don’t want the dreaded jeans sweats. And the whole cute thing is not the right call when you need to ugly crawl onto the lofted bed to tuck in the corners of the fitting sheet. Or when you find you are trapped behind moving beds, desks, shelving units and bags and bags of sweatshirts (note: There don’t seem to be “middle” clothes anymore…just sweatshirts and shirts that would fit them when they were 4 - just saying…). 

3. It’s not your turn to make friends. Avoid the urge to be the center of attention. Don’t scout out new parent friends to meet up with again at parent’s weekend. And do not – DO NOT – try and meet the other kids on the hall in order to introduce your child. This will backfire with eye-rolling and death stares. And yes – if you do this – you will look like the crazy helicopter mom we are all trying to avoid being.

4. Get in and get out. No long goodbyes and prolonged lurking. Set up the room. Do the hugs. Get in the car. Then feel the feelings. And wow – they come like a thunderbolt – so prepare to feel like you got run over by a truck (a VERY big truck).

5. Live a good story. On the mental health front, choose the “good story” as your narrative on the way home. It’s so easy to let this transition and the passing of time that it represents run the tape in our heads of loss and sadness. It’s legit, it is a passing of time. It is sad. I found I had to create a different narrative for myself and that changed everything. This is not a sad story. It’s an exciting, action-packed, world-widening one. The edges of all of our experiences expand. Doors are opening not closing. Choose that story before the other one runs around in your mind like a hamster on a wheel!

I know I said 5, but these ones don’t count because they are for when you get home…

1. You will be exhausted. No one really told me this part, that you feel like you are getting over the flu for a day or two. So don’t be surprised if you are attached to a Netflix binge with a side of cookie dough. I think it might just be “natures” way of making sure we reboot after having poured out so much.

2. Don’t be the first one to text. Let them lead. Pretend it’s the 1990’s and there is only a room phone and every minute is like $50. Better yet… pretend it’s 1995 and your child can only check their “school email” on one of four campus computers that connect you to a mysterious thing called the World Wide Web. And the wait to use those fancy, giant box machines is endless.

3. Reach out to friends and hang out with them ASAP when you get home. You have a life. Go live the life. Feel what you need to feel and then get involved in your life. Let your friends cry and laugh with you. Don’t do that alone for more than a little bit. Always better to be in it with other people.

4. Don’t go to the grocery store for a few days. Send someone else. There is something that kicks you in the soul when you realize what you don’t need to buy. All their favorite things just calling to you. Stacked on the shelves taunting you with their memories.

5.  Buy cool sneakers. It makes you feel like you are also 18 and not on the road to “middle age”. Because I for one – do not feel old enough to even be writing all of this. How about you?